Today, I started a tattoo apprenticeship.
We went over basic things: setup, parts of a machine, how it works, and tearing down a station. There was a lot of information to take in, and it's nothing particularly interesting unless you are really into process. I won't elaborate on that here.
The tattoo industry has always been in the back of my mind since I was in college. I went to school for illustration, and I looked up to artists who were either connected to the industry, or a part of it. Aside from comics, tattooing has always been a big influence on my work.
I once tried to get a desk job at a shop in Memphis in hopes of becoming an apprentice before, and it didn't happen. I showed my portfolio to the shop I am currently apprenticing at several years ago, but at the time they didn't have room. I was later asked by the owner of that shop (right before I moved to Denver) why I never got into tattooing. I didn't say much then, but I would say the opportunity wasn't there when I needed it, and when it was available, I wasn't. Things really haven't worked out for that career path until now.
Based on jobs I have held in the past, I see tattooing as a great career opportunity for me. I can draw pretty well, I am a decent people person, and I have a good amount of retail and service experience. Do I expect it to be a piece of cake? No. I do not expect anything to come easy, I just hope I can work hard and with time and patience, things will slowly but surely get there.
The scariest part of this apprenticeship (to me) is devoting myself to a craft, a life choice, that I ultimately may not like. It's silly to think about, but having went to grad school for a career that I left just as I completed my certification has taught me that things aren't always as they seem. To be fair, I set some crazy high expectations in teaching, and I have had a history of setting unrealistic standards for myself, only to ultimately fail. However, failure is a part of life. It's how we learn anything, but the thought of it is still terrifying.
Because of this, I have been really anxious, especially about drawing (the exact thing I need to be practicing). Every time I have picked up a pencil, I think about those marks deciding my future. I think about those lines putting food on the table, and a roof over my head. I stare at my sketchbook and I fear producing something so awful, that I won't be able to provide for myself. I give these drawings so much weight, so much importance before they are even on paper, that I am scared of fucking up before I even get started. It's a strange type of artist's block, one that correlates more to the idea of success and well being rather than communicating an inexplicable an idea or emotion or at least getting a decent grade.
This apprenticeship means the world to me. It's an opportunity to use the skills I have and make something truly great of it, to survive and sustain and hopefully make people really happy in the process. The only thing holding me back is the thought of throwing it away. I won't let that happen, at least that's what I keep telling myself.
